I just need me time. Just 5 minutes alone would be wonderful. The day was stressful. The bills are due and money is low. The dog puked, again and the male cat marked his territory on pictures on my grandfather that just passed away. I need just a few moments to calm down, regroup, and breath.
But the dogs are barking and wanting to go outside. The husband needs to talk about his day and the stress of his job. The youngest is wanting to know what’s for supper and the oldest one is wanting to talk about his girlfriend and moving out. On top of all of that the phone is ringing and my best friend is crying.
I want to scream!, What about me? Can I not have just a moment to myself? There is only one of me and so many of you! I feel like a juggler who has to many balls in the air and they are all falling.
Am I alone? Does anyone else ever feel this way? I love my family and my life, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed because everyone needs me at the same time. Years ago I would let this get to me and I would end up ill with everyone and everyone would end up with their feelings hurt or mad.
How did I change?
So I changed my way of thinking. I realized that I have been away all day and that they all love me and need my attention. I realized that this is a blessing and I end up smiling in the chaos. I give them my attention for however long they need it. As a result, I am able to have a little time for me. I have come to understand that I am the foundation of my family. They need me. They need me to listen to them. Once I started looking at it from this angle, I realized that I am blessed to have a family who loves to be with me.
I love the meaning behind this. In many ways it explains the heart of a women perfectly. Whatever we are given, we will make it greater. Whether it is love, compassion, a house, or a hard time. Women will go out of their way to make more of what we are given.
I would have to say that this is the most accurate description of anxiety and depression that I have seen. Often times you are so tired. It’s more of an emotional tiredness than a physical tiredness. You want to be productive, but either fear of failure or the tiredness stops you. It’s wanting to be with your family and friends, but the thought of being around people makes your anxiety go up and you start to feel overwhelmed. You want to be alone, because it feels safe and you want to feel loved. It’s wanting to close yourself off from everything and everyone and needing a hug from the ones that you love.
People who have never dealt with anxiety and depression don’t understand the constant battle.
Often times people will tell us that “it happened for a reason” to try to make us feel better. However, sometimes it just pisses us off. When a loved one dies, it happening for a reason, does not make the grief any easier. It belittles our feelings and our grief. The greatest love is also the greatest grief. Share that with someone and let them express their love/grief for the one that they lost.
Clair adopted Jane as a baby. Clair never had any other children and relished pouring all her mothering into Jane. Clair did everything “right;” sent Jane to all the best schools, fed her all the healthy foods, exposed her to all the right people, and provided her with all the love and care she possibly could.
Even so, Clair never felt fully connected to Jane. Jane seemed odd and distant. Clair got Jane the best psychological care she could find and continued to raise Jane with all the love in her heart.
Jane found alcohol in her early adulthood and plunged head first into a life of substances. She married a few times and had a few kids. She smoked weed and drank alcohol everyday. Jane blamed Clair for her problems while refusing help that Clair offered.
Clair came to me originally because she didn’t want to feel the pain caused by her relationship with Jane. We worked through finding Clair’s intent and only taking responsibility for that. We practiced Clair speaking her truth with conviction while keeping her intent at the center of her mind.
Clair became proficient at recognizing the difference between what she can control and what she can’t. Clair realized that she cannot control how her daughter hears or responds to the love and care that she offers. She recognized that she cannot make her daughter feel better.
Shortly after learning and practicing this skill, her daughter was driving drunk and had a terrible accident. Jane had a brain injury and broken bones and had to learn to swallow, speak, and walk again. After 6 weeks in the ICU and a grueling decision about whether or not to take Jane off life support, Jane’s doctors took her off some of her medications and Jane began to improve.
Clair took Jane home from the hospital, and as mothers do, Clair reorganized her entire life around caring for Jane. Jane still wanted nothing to do with Clair and refused any help that Clair offered, unless it was cash money. After only two weeks of being home, Jane left and went back to an abusive boyfriend, drinking, and smoking; leaving Clair to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
We love our children like no one else in our lives. If you never have children, this kind of love is impossible to fathom. We don’t even know it exists until we have a child of our own. Parental love is unconditional and it doesn’t exist anywhere else. Unfortunately our children don’t always love us unconditionally. And that imbalance can be extremely painful.
The pain the Clair would feel when thinking about Jane was emotional and physical. Clair’s body would react to her grief by clenching her throat and stomach. Her breath would catch and her shoulders would seize. Sometimes it felt as though the love she felt for her daughter was strong enough to kill her. Sometimes, in the dark moments, she even wished she would die.
We are at the beginning of this new wave of grief that Clair is experiencing. She will need time to talk about it and sort through the different parts of herself: the part that is angry, the part that is sad, the part that is resentful, and the part that will always, without question or reservation, love Jane unconditionally.
We will get through this together and Clair will feel less heart ache as she works through her grief. It’s good grief because the love we feel is worth all the pain.
What is Gut Instinct?
Gut instinct is defined as: gut instinct or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something; there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know. Your intuition arises as a feeling within your body that only you experience. … Because of this, trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself.
But is there a difference in our gut instinct and our intuition? To me, gut instinct is more of our bodies way of telling us something. Our primal wisdom or voice. Our intuition, to me, is more of a connection in our mind or a spiritual wisdom or voice.
Pay Attention to your Gut Feelings!
I believe in paying attention to your gut feeling. Here is one of my stories when I listened to my gut and I was glad I did.
Years ago when I was about 18 or 19 me and my friends hung out in Gainesville on Friday and Saturday nights. This particular night a car went up the road passed the parking lot we were all hanging out in. (Bare in mind this is where every teenager was at that time. We were cruising!) I looked at my boyfriend and I said “we have got to get out of here. That car is going to come back and they have a gun. It’s my gut feelings again.” Luckily, my boyfriend knew how I was with my gut feelings and didn’t ask questions. We jumped into his car and were at the top of the driveway when sure enough the same car drove by on the same side of the street that we were all on and fired a few shots. No one was hurt.
What Feelings to Listen to.
1 – I am in danger or someone else is in danger. When you “feel” that you are in danger or someone else is in danger, listen to your body. Your primal voice is telling you something. Your body knows something that your mind doesn’t yet.
2 – This is not the right choice for me. Sometimes you don’t know why something is wrong for you, you just feel it. Listen, and take time. If it is the wrong choice you will be glad. If for some reason it is the right choice then it will come back around to you.
3 – I need help. This one, to me, can be a wide range of ways that we need help. This can be when you feel like you are in danger, when you are sick, or when you feel that you need help and need to talk to a therapist. There are times when we simply feel that something is off with our bodies, and we need to seek help.
This link https://lonerwolf.com/gut-instincts/ has a list of 7 gut feelings that should not be ignored.
Remember to be nice to yourself. Why do we tell ourselves “junk” that we would never say to someone else? Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend, child, or loved one. Build yourself up just like you build them up.
There is a difference between general anxiety and anxiety from PTSD.
I think the key word here is REMEMBERING. When we remember what happened, we also relive it.