What to Read?

By Kim Loggins-Saine

Are you an avid reader like me? If so, the question of what to read next is a nagging question. I decided to make an attempt of putting together a list of what to read. Wish me luck!

If you want to understand how trauma and its resulting stress harms us through physiological changes to body and brain, then I suggest The Body Keeps the Score. It is written by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

If you want to have a better understanding of grief, I suggest The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise. It is written by Martín Prechtel. https://www.amazon.com/Smell-Rain-Dust-Grief-Praise/dp/1583949399

If you want to learn more about your true self, I suggest Parts Work. It is written by Tom Holmes, PhD. You can also read Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD.

https://www.amazon.com/Parts-Work-Illustrated-Guide-Inner/dp/0979889715https://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Internal-Family-Systems-Model/dp/0972148000

If you want to learn more about our self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy, then The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is what I would recommend. https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom-ebook/dp/B005BRS8Z6 or https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements

I you are curious about how different blood types effect how we should eat, then Eat Right for Your Type, by Dr. Peter J.D’Adamo, is a great place to start. https://www.amazon.com/Right-Your-Type-Peter-DAdamo/dp/0061441848

If you enjoy thriller/suspense type of books, I suggest reading books by Iris Johansen or booking by Elizabeth Lowell

http://www.irisjohansen.com/booksh

ttps://www.elizabethlowell.com/

If you enjoy a sweet romance novel, Then my pick would be Catherine Anderson. Some of her books also feature people with disabilities and how they strive. These are my favorite books!

https://www.catherineanderson.com/

Since there are so many wonderful books are there, I am sure that I will be adding to this list as time goes by.

I’m Just Tired

I’m just tired was the answer that my friend gave me the other day when I was talking to her. She had a different tone in her voice, so I asked her what was wrong. “I’m just tired” she said. For some reason, her answer wasn’t good enough for me. So I asked her, what did that mean? She looked at me for a moment and gave me a weak smile and said “you know what that means”. I her that I didn’t know what she meant by it. Was she tired because she didn’t sleep well? Was she tired because she was getting sick? Was it a mental or physical tired?

What Does I’m Tired Really Mean

Yes, there are times when I’m tired, means, dang I need a nap! I didn’t get any sleep last night. But many times the answer is much deeper than that. My friend, was tired from emotional turmoil that her siblings are putting her through. She is in a battle everyday with them. They are relentless. She feels like she is in a losing battle and she wants to throw in the towel. She is done! But she doesn’t throw in the towel, because she is fighting for all of the right reasons. She’s simply tired of the drama, battle, and the emotional fatigue.

Sometimes I’m tired, means that a person is overwhelmed. Other times it can mean that the person is in sensory overload and needs time to be alone. Often times when I say that I’m tired, I really mean that I am mentally worn out because my thoughts take me down a rabbit hole or I spiral. I can’t turn off my brain or my negative self talk. I think about a problem and then another problem pops in my head and then another and then another. This is what I call my spiral.

So the next time someone tells you that they are tired, find out why. Lead a listening ear and maybe you can help them.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/sarah-schuster/2017/04/what-i-really-mean-when-i-say-im-tired/

Rejecting someone’s energy.

Can you reject someone’s energy? Yes, you can.

I love this one! Have you ever had someone near you that makes your anxiety kick in? You don’t know what it is, but there is something about that person that makes you anxious and you want to get away from them? Your body is rejecting their energy. This is your body letting you know that there is something about that person’s energy that yours does not like. Listen to your body! Your spirit, gut, or whatever you want to call it will pick up on things before your brain does. https://skyehelps.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1223&action=edit This link will take you to a prior post that I wrote about listening to your gut feelings. If you have the time, I would encourage you to read it, if you want more information on listening to your gut and rejecting others negative energy.

This link list signs that you shouldn’t ignore when it comes to listening to your body. https://lonerwolf.com/gut-instincts/

He took his own life

25 years. That’s how long it has been since my dad took his own life. Yesterday was the anniversary of his death. The anger and anguish are still with, me even after all of this time. The questions that I had then, are the same questions that I have now, but there are no answers. There is only silence.

I remember the evening that I got the phone call about my dad. I was at the Atlanta Dragway in Commerce, Ga with some friends. My mom paged me, so I went back to my car to call her back on my bag phone. (This was before everyone had cell phones). The first thing that she asked me was who was with me. I told her and she wanted to talk to the friend that was right beside me. I asked her what was wrong? She asked me several times to let her speak to someone else and I told her no, she had to tell me what was going on.

The next few sentences changed my life. She said, “it’s your dad. He shot himself.” I asked her if he was ok and she said, “No baby, he’s not.” I remember screaming and crying. I remember getting in the car to go home and talking to my mom on the phone all the way home. I remember the empty and sick feeling I had. I thought I was going to throw-up. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I might die because of the pain and shock my body was going through.

The rest of the night and following days were a blur. I remember sitting at the funeral home with my sister, aunts and uncles to make arrangements. I remember saying that I wanted to see my dad and everyone trying to talk me out of it. My sister stood up for me and told everyone to let me, it was something that I had to do. I was going to do it regardless.

The night of visitation I got to go back to a room and see my dad for the last time. Other than a bruise on his cheek, he looked like he was sleeping peacefully. The funeral director wouldn’t let me stay long with him. So every time I got the chance I would sneak out of the visitation room and go back to the room where my dad was. I got caught more than once being in the room with him. I spent that time talking to him, asking him questions that he was never going to answer, and stoking his hair. I didn’t know how to say good bye when I didn’t understand anything.

I don’t know if my dad couldn’t take the loss of his mother, she died just a few week before, or if he couldn’t deal with his dad being terminal with cancer. Maybe he was just tired and fed up with this world. I still ask why weren’t my sister and I enough? Why didn’t he love us more? Did he even think about us prior to his decision? Did he think that we would be better off without him? I wonder what lies the devil was whispering in his ear. I wonder what demons he was fighting. I wonder if he had been planning this all along or if it was a quick, snap decision that he made.

I think about everything that he has missed. He wasn’t there when I got married. He has four amazing grandsons who would have adored him and he has a great granddaughter who just turned a year old. He has missed Christmas’ and Thanksgivings. He has missed graduations and birthdays. He has missed those just because days that are filled with laughter.

I think about the impact that it had on me and my self-worth. There was a period of time when I felt that if my own father didn’t love me, how could anyone else love me. I felt that I wasn’t worthy of love. I felt like I was the problem and that I was bad for people. I felt like a failure. I cut myself off from others. I didn’t want to ever get close to anyone or love anyone because it just led to pain. And for years I didn’t let anyone in. I closed myself off from feeling to deeply for anyone, other than the people that were already in my circle. Sadly, I didn’t realize what a injustice I was doing to myself.

I now realize that whatever it was, my dad had some reason for doing what he did. It breaks my heart that he felt that was the only way out, but I have excepted it. I realize that we were enough and that the battle he was fighting won. I realize that it wasn’t us, but the lies of the demons he was battling. I know that he loved us and I believe that he knew we loved him too.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

It didn’t happen for a reason

Source https://www.facebook.com/theadversitywithin/

Often times people will tell us that “it happened for a reason” to try to make us feel better. However, sometimes it just pisses us off. When a loved one dies, it happening for a reason, does not make the grief any easier. It belittles our feelings and our grief. The greatest love is also the greatest grief. Share that with someone and let them express their love/grief for the one that they lost.

Gut Instinct

What is Gut Instinct?

Gut instinct is defined as:  gut instinct or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something; there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know. Your intuition arises as a feeling within your body that only you experience. … Because of this, trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself.

But is there a difference in our gut instinct and our intuition? To me, gut instinct is more of our bodies way of telling us something. Our primal wisdom or voice. Our intuition, to me, is more of a connection in our mind or a spiritual wisdom or voice.

Pay Attention to your Gut Feelings!

I believe in paying attention to your gut feeling. Here is one of my stories when I listened to my gut and I was glad I did.

Years ago when I was about 18 or 19 me and my friends hung out in Gainesville on Friday and Saturday nights. This particular night a car went up the road passed the parking lot we were all hanging out in. (Bare in mind this is where every teenager was at that time. We were cruising!) I looked at my boyfriend and I said “we have got to get out of here. That car is going to come back and they have a gun. It’s my gut feelings again.” Luckily, my boyfriend knew how I was with my gut feelings and didn’t ask questions. We jumped into his car and were at the top of the driveway when sure enough the same car drove by on the same side of the street that we were all on and fired a few shots. No one was hurt.

What Feelings to Listen to.

1 – I am in danger or someone else is in danger. When you “feel” that you are in danger or someone else is in danger, listen to your body. Your primal voice is telling you something. Your body knows something that your mind doesn’t yet.

2 – This is not the right choice for me. Sometimes you don’t know why something is wrong for you, you just feel it. Listen, and take time. If it is the wrong choice you will be glad. If for some reason it is the right choice then it will come back around to you.

3 – I need help. This one, to me, can be a wide range of ways that we need help. This can be when you feel like you are in danger, when you are sick, or when you feel that you need help and need to talk to a therapist. There are times when we simply feel that something is off with our bodies, and we need to seek help.

This link https://lonerwolf.com/gut-instincts/ has a list of 7 gut feelings that should not be ignored.

Seeking Therapy

Remember seeking therapy means that you are working on you! You are working on being the best version of yourself.

https://www.facebook.com/cptsdandme/

There are times when all of us need to work through something. Sometimes we just need to work on ourselves. There is no shame in talking to a therapist. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, it just means that you are a work in progress. But, hey aren’t we all!

Check out SkyeHelps facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/skyehelps

National Hug Your Dog Day

March 10th  is National Hug Your Dog Day.

This is National Hug Your Dog Day!!!  Ok, I don’t know about you, but I don’t need a special day to hug on my fur baby.  I hug and love on them all the time!

 Let’s look at the mental health (and physical health) benefits to having a dog. 

Research supports that being around dogs (and cats) puts you in a better mood and offers stress relief.  They cut down on anxiety and depression. 

The actual act of petting a dog can lower your blood pressure. 

Oftentimes, we are more active because of our 4 legged friends.  We find ourselves out for walks, maybe even a jog.  Even if we just take our pooch to the dog park, we are getting vitamin D from the sun and that boosts our moods. 

When we are out in public with our dog, it increases our social interaction.  People are going to smile and we are going to smile back.  People are going to stop and ask to pet your dog and strike up a conversation with you.  In fact, if you walk your dog around the same time daily and in the same area, you are bound to run into the same people. 

Dogs offer us unconditional love and companionship.  They love to greet us when we come home and lavish us with love and affection. They cuddle with us and keep our deepest secrets.  They even warn us of people we should stay away from.  My dog has even been known to wipe away my tears.  

My dogs are my best friends! 

So Hug your Dog Today!