In Case No One Told You Today.

I came across “in case no one told you today” on my FaceBook. It spoke to me. I think that as women we spend so much time building up our children, friends, and family that we forget to build ourselves up. I think that our family and friends forget that we need to be built up too. We need to hear that we matter, we are loved, and that we are valuable. The two that really spoke to me are ” You are stronger than you think” and “you are important no matter what lies you were told.”

When it comes to lie that we are told, they come from so many different places, and we are so use to them that we don’t even realize we are being lied to. The voices in our heads, those negative thoughts, are most often lies. The media lies to us. Movies and TV lies to us, we are not suppose to be model thin or be a size 2. We are women. Our bodies have carried and birthed children. We have worked hard and played hard. We’ve had surgeries and stitches. We have scars. We’ve had inward battles, and we have won.

At the end of the day, I am a strong women that has value. I was meant for this time and I was not a mistake. I am loved beyond measure and I am beautiful just the way I am.

We are women, hear us ROAR!

I Have Outgrown Many Things.

by Chanda Kaushik

I have outgrown many things.
I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism, but not support.
I have outgrown my need to meet family’s unrealistic expectations of me.
I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my mistakes.
I have outgrown shrinking myself for those who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature both.


I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments.
I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark.
I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity.
I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced.
I have outgrown those who don’t take a stand against ignorance and injustice.
I have outgrown trying to please everyone.


I have outgrown society constantly telling me I’m not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough to achieve anything.
I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self doubt and insecurity decades ago.
I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love my humble self.
I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul.
I have outgrown many things and I’ve never felt freer.

Reminder

This poem is a reminder to me that it is ok to change and outgrow people and situations that either hold me back or refuse to let me shine. Like the author, I feel like I have outgrown friends that tend to not care about me, only call when they need something, or can’t be happy for me when something good happens. I also have outgrown being the little girl that listened to the criticism of her family for choosing her own way. I no longer take part in conversations that are forced. I am trying to enrich my spirit. I am trying to be a better version of myself and because of that, I have no need for people who do not want me to succeed.

It’s ok to outgrown others. We have permission to do it. We have permission to change.

https://skyehelps.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1268&action=edit

Christopher Robin

“You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin

These are amazing and powerful words for our children to hear. Often times we hear our children saying things such as I’m not smart or I’m dumb. They may feel weak and fearful. It is our job as parents to make sure that we tell them daily that they are smart, brave, strong, and most importantly loved.

Your Song

What’s your song?

Have you ever heard a song and the lyrics of that song expressed exactly how you were feeling? The lyrics of the song might be the very words that you needed to hear. At that moment you crave that song and those words. They give you strength, courage, hope, or faith. The song may, may you cry tears that you need to shed. Music has a way to get to the very core of our being.

My story for today

This week has been a really tough week for me. If you have read any of my blogs from earlier this week, you will know that this week marks the 25 anniversary of my father’s death. https://skyehelps.com/he-took-his-own-life/ I have also been worrying about one of my best friends and I got some news that left me feeling disappointed.

All of this really took a toll on me. I went to bed feeling beaten and I woke up this morning feeling defeated. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and that maybe in this one area of my life I should give up and move on.

When I turned on my music this morning the songs shuffled to my song. My Fight Song. Hearing this song reminded me that I shouldn’t give up. It reminded me that I am powerful, I can make a difference, and I am definitely enough! Hear are the lyrics to Fight Song and a link to the video. I hope that they inspire you to fight today.

Fight Song Lyrics

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.

Know I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

Dandelions

 Children everywhere rush to pick dandelions, so that they can close their eyes, make a wish, and blow the seeds into the air. (And so do some adults). I still make wishes on dandelions. Doing this reminds me of my childhood and always make me smile. Blowing and wishing on dandelions is something that my children do now and they always bring one to me so that I can make a wish.

In addition to granting wishes, many people believe that dandelion seeds will carry your thoughts and dreams to loved ones when you blow them into the air.

I love this thought. I love the idea that dandelions can carry my thoughts to loved ones that are waiting for me on the other side. It like sending them my love through the air and up to Heaven.

The Dandelion means:

Healing from emotional pain and physical injury alike. Intelligence, especially in an emotional and spiritual sense. The warmth and power of the rising sun. Surviving through all challenges and difficulties.

The meaning of dandelions hits home with me. My sister and I just got matching dandelion tattoos in memory of our dad who died by suicide 25 years ago. We both had a lot of emotional pain from his death that we had to work through. The fact that the dandelion represents surviving through challenges, reminds me that we made it through his death together. It made our bond stronger and brought us closer.

I always see the wishes and never the weeds.

https://www.mofga.org/resources/weeds/ten-things-you-might-not-know-about-dandelions/

Take my own advice

Last night I had to take my own advice. Let me explain what happened. Yesterday I wrote a blog / post about my dad taking his own life. It was a difficult piece to write. I cried as I wrote it and when I read it out loud. Writing it brought up a lot of memories, both good and bad.

My husband is always telling me that I don’t open up and talk to him and that I need to tell him what’s going on in my head. So last night I thought that I would read him what I had written about my daddy and it would give him an insight to where my head had been lately.

So I got my computer out, sat up straight (because I needed the courage), and read him what I had written. I had to stop a couple of times because my voice was breaking and I was choking back tears, but I finally made it through. When I was finished reading it, my husband said, “Cool” and rolled over and went to sleep.

I’m not sure what I was really excepting or what reaction I thought I would get. Maybe an I’m sorry baby, or I remember that day too. Something to acknowledge my feelings and me opening up and being vulnerable. I can tell you that “Cool” wasn’t it!

I was taken back by his words and actions. He is the one always asking me to share and opening up. When I did, I felt like he rejected me, didn’t care about my feelings, and didn’t even listen to me. Doubt crept in. My self-worth dropped. I had been vulnerable, and felt like I had been slapped in the face. I thought to myself, this is why I don’t open up. This is why I don’t talk about what’s going on in my mind.

After a few hours, I was still feeling the humiliation from it. Then I realized what I was doing to myself and decided to take my own advice. First off I told myself that what I wrote was powerful, important, and meaningful. I told myself that it could help someone, someday. I said that what my husband had done, was on him, not on me. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I was proud of myself for writing it. (positive self talk) I realized that I couldn’t control his reaction or his action, but I could control mine. (control what you can).

I got up and did the superhero pose. I just stood there and took in the power that I felt. I let the pose take away the negative vibes and replace them with positive vibes. I even said da da da!!

I will never have all of the answers and I will always be a work in progress. I’m ok with that. The good news is, I am learning and I am using what I’m learning in a positive way. https://skyehelps.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1210&action=edit

Self-esteem

I think that all of us struggle with our self-esteem and self-worth. As women we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and talking negative to ourselves that we lose sight of who we really are.

So I decided to make a list of ways to improve your self-esteem and self-worth.

Hero Pose

This is one of my favorites! The first time I saw anyone do this, was Amelia on Grey’s Anatomy. She was about to go into a very difficult surgery and she did it to boost your confidence. Now I will do this pose when I need a boost. I also have encouraged my son to do it when he needs a confidence boost. It’s empowering.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/strike-a-pose-the-super-hero-pose-for-greater-power_b_59a05026e4b0cb7715bfd507

Stop the negative self talk

Before you say it to yourself, think, would you say it to your best friend or spouse? It is really true? We have got to stop talking down to ourselves. Let’s face it, we talk to ourselves more than anyone else does. We have to tell ourselves the truth of our worth and value. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374

Control What You Can

Wow! This is a big one for me. I want to be in control and I hate being out of control. So controlling what I can and letting go of what I can’t control is still a work in progress for me. Here’s an example, my sister and I decided to get matching tattoos for the 25th anniversary of our father’s death. We are half sisters, so we don’t have that same mother. I was afraid to tell my mom I was getting the tattoo because of how she feels about tattoos and my dad. So when I told her, I told her why we were going to get them, the meaning behind them, and why I felt that it was something that we should do. That was all I could control. I couldn’t control her response and I wasn’t going to argue with her. I also wasn’t going to let anything she said change my mind. Knowing what I could control helped me with the conversation and the end result. https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-acceptance-can-help-you-cope-with-things-out-of-your-control

Celebrate the Small Things

Give yourself a pat on the back for the small things that you do or accomplish! Tell yourself “good job” or “way to go” when you get something done. You can even dance to celebrate it! Ya’ll I do this when I clean house! I tell myself what a good job I did and how great the place looks. All the while I’m dancing around. I may look crazy, but it makes me feel good about myself. http://www.femestella.com/10-little-ways-to-boost-your-confidence/

Do What Makes You Happy

Stop trying to please everyone else around you and do what makes you happy. Trying to please others is exhausting. Half the time you can’t please them anyway. Be yourself and do what makes you happy. People that love you and want the best for you will be happy for you. When I started doing what made me happy, life got better. I was able to be myself. And that was a gift in and of itself. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tame-your-terrible-office-tyrant/201811/can-happiness-lead-confidence

Repeat Positives

If you can tell yourself negative things and believe them, then you can tell yourself positive things until your believe them. Yes, I know, this is easier said than done. Look in the mirror, or not, if you aren’t there yet, and tell yourself positive things. I am a good mother. I’m a fantastic friend. I deserve this job, promotion, etc. Every time a negative thought enters your mind, try to think of two positives. This is not an easy one for me. I have talked negative to myself for my whole life and that habit is hard to break. But I still try. And after a while you will start to believe the positive things that you are saying, even if you didn’t in the beginning. https://thriveglobal.com/stories/50-self-esteem-affirmations-repeat-them-daily-to-build-self-worth/

Things to help you relax

Things to help you relax

I can be uptight.  I get weighed down by my own thoughts and responsibilities.  I need things to help me relax.  So I decided to share a few things that work for me. Enjoy!

Breathing

Sounds simple, right?  I take deep breaths with my eyes closed and release it slowly.  I also listen to my breathing as I do this exercise.  And I do this for as long as it takes for me to feel relaxed. 

https://www.allinahealth.org/healthysetgo/thrive/breathe-in-and-breathe-out-the-calming-effects-of-deep-breathing

Soaking in a warm bath or taking a long shower

Water relaxes me.  I don’t have to be in the water, I can just see it. One of the things that I do is soak in a warm bath, with bubbles or bath salts and the lights off.  (I have a night light I will turn on if I need to).  Usually when I’m in the bath everyone else leaves me alone.  If I need to relax and my shoulders and neck are holding all of the tension I will take a long shower.  I will just stand under the water and let it flow over me.  I will stay in until the water gets cold or I feel like I’m relaxed.

  https://www.verywellmind.com/relieve-stress-with-a-bath-meditation-3144781

Yoga

I know that yoga may not be for everyone, but everyone should at least give it a try.  Yoga relaxes me.  I focus on breathing and listening to my body.  The movements are slow and the music is relaxing. (added bonus).  It also allows me to see what my body can do. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

Listen to soothing music

The key here, for me, is the soothing part.  I need music that is calming.  I also listen to different CD’s that are natural sounds.  My favorite one right now is thunderstorms.  I even go to sleep at night listening to it.

Write or keep a journal

I love to read and write so this one is a no brainer for me.  I will write poems, write my feelings, and even letters that I will never mail. These letters have been to people I have lost and to people that have hurt me. Sometimes I write and then shred it up. But getting whatever is eating at me out, helps, and I feel better afterwards. https://www.verywellmind.com/journaling-a-great-tool-for-coping-with-anxiety-3144672

Take a walk

When I need to relax sometimes I go for a walk.  I clear my head.  I listen to the sounds around me. I even run sometimes.  Sometimes it relaxes me and sometimes it just wears me out. Either way, my mind and body are in a different place than when I started.   https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/30/well/move/an-awe-walk-might-do-wonders-for-your-well-being.html

Get a massage

I love to get a massage!  Oh my goodness, an hour with someone working on my muscles and getting the tension out of them relaxes me to the point I could fall asleep.   https://sageblossommassage.com/5-ways-massage-makes-you-feel-better/

Sing out loud and dance like nobody’s watching

I will turn on my favorite song(s) and sing as loud as I can.  I dance around and hope no one is watching, but if they are, they can join in.  Usually these are upbeat songs and they help me relax and refocus.  Plus I laugh at myself and laughter is the best medicine.

Laugh

Hey I just said that laughter was the best medicine. Did you think it wouldn’t make the list?  Find something to laugh about or laugh at yourself.  Even if you fake it in the beginning.   https://experiencelife.lifetime.life/article/8-ways-to-laugh-more/

Play with your pet

Oftentimes my dog can sense when I need her.  She will jump up in my lap and give me kisses while I pet her.  Petting her and the warmth of her body next to mine relaxes me for some reason.  Maybe it’s because she loves me and doesn’t want anything else from me but love. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/mood-boosting-power-of-dogs.htm

Scream

Sometimes I just have to scream!  I hold so much in or over think so many things sometimes screaming helps.  I guess it takes the energy that I put into over thinking and puts it into the scream.  Afterwards, I feel better.

I am sure that there are many other ways that I relax, but these are my top few.  I hope that they help you.

Mighty Oak

Mighty Oak

 Kathy J Parenteau  More By Kathy J Parenteau

Stand tall, oh mighty oak, for all the world to see.
Your strength and undying beauty forever amazes me.
Though storm clouds hover above you,
Your branches span the sky
In search of the radiant sunlight you
Count on to survive.
When the winds are high and restless and
You lose a limb or two,
It only makes you stronger.
We could learn so much from you.
Though generations have come and gone
And brought about such change,
Quietly you’ve watched them all,
Yet still remained the same.
I only pray God gives to me
The strength he’s given you
To face each day with hope,
Whether skies are black or blue.
Life on earth is truly a gift.
Every moment we must treasure.
It’s the simple things we take for granted
That become our ultimate pleasures.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com

Pain Ends

Pain Ends

By Katy A. Brown More By Katy A. Brown

Breathe in the fresh air,
Put your mind at ease.
Let down your hair,
Let it flow in the breeze.

Let your eyes wander
To all the beauty to be seen.
If those toxic thoughts you still do ponder,
Then let out a scream.

Scream until the pain is gone,
Until you no longer feel afraid.
Open your eyes to a new dawn,
Let the darkness fade.

No longer compare yourself
Or your flaws to others’ perfections.
Take the negativity off the shelf.
Focus on your direction.

Pick the sadness up off the floor,
Sweep it into the wind.
Close the door on self-hatred.
Never let it back in.

For the lies it would often tell you,
You will no longer agree.
Happiness and love are what you should hold onto.
They are whom you should give the key.

Pay no attention to the toxic thoughts,
Listen to those who adore everything you are.
Overthinking was what you once were taught,
But now those thoughts you put in a jar.

Focus on your goals,
Never lose your fight.
It’s time to open new scrolls.
Everything will be all right.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com