I just need me time.

I just need me time. Just 5 minutes alone would be wonderful. The day was stressful. The bills are due and money is low. The dog puked, again and the male cat marked his territory on pictures on my grandfather that just passed away. I need just a few moments to calm down, regroup, and breath.

But the dogs are barking and wanting to go outside. The husband needs to talk about his day and the stress of his job. The youngest is wanting to know what’s for supper and the oldest one is wanting to talk about his girlfriend and moving out. On top of all of that the phone is ringing and my best friend is crying.

I want to scream!, What about me? Can I not have just a moment to myself? There is only one of me and so many of you! I feel like a juggler who has to many balls in the air and they are all falling.

Am I alone? Does anyone else ever feel this way? I love my family and my life, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed because everyone needs me at the same time. Years ago I would let this get to me and I would end up ill with everyone and everyone would end up with their feelings hurt or mad.

How did I change?

So I changed my way of thinking. I realized that I have been away all day and that they all love me and need my attention. I realized that this is a blessing and I end up smiling in the chaos. I give them my attention for however long they need it. As a result, I am able to have a little time for me. I have come to understand that I am the foundation of my family. They need me. They need me to listen to them. Once I started looking at it from this angle, I realized that I am blessed to have a family who loves to be with me.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201406/what-say-when-you-need-some-alone-time

Gut Instinct

What is Gut Instinct?

Gut instinct is defined as:  gut instinct or intuition, is your immediate understanding of something; there’s no need to think it over or get another opinion—you just know. Your intuition arises as a feeling within your body that only you experience. … Because of this, trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself.

But is there a difference in our gut instinct and our intuition? To me, gut instinct is more of our bodies way of telling us something. Our primal wisdom or voice. Our intuition, to me, is more of a connection in our mind or a spiritual wisdom or voice.

Pay Attention to your Gut Feelings!

I believe in paying attention to your gut feeling. Here is one of my stories when I listened to my gut and I was glad I did.

Years ago when I was about 18 or 19 me and my friends hung out in Gainesville on Friday and Saturday nights. This particular night a car went up the road passed the parking lot we were all hanging out in. (Bare in mind this is where every teenager was at that time. We were cruising!) I looked at my boyfriend and I said “we have got to get out of here. That car is going to come back and they have a gun. It’s my gut feelings again.” Luckily, my boyfriend knew how I was with my gut feelings and didn’t ask questions. We jumped into his car and were at the top of the driveway when sure enough the same car drove by on the same side of the street that we were all on and fired a few shots. No one was hurt.

What Feelings to Listen to.

1 – I am in danger or someone else is in danger. When you “feel” that you are in danger or someone else is in danger, listen to your body. Your primal voice is telling you something. Your body knows something that your mind doesn’t yet.

2 – This is not the right choice for me. Sometimes you don’t know why something is wrong for you, you just feel it. Listen, and take time. If it is the wrong choice you will be glad. If for some reason it is the right choice then it will come back around to you.

3 – I need help. This one, to me, can be a wide range of ways that we need help. This can be when you feel like you are in danger, when you are sick, or when you feel that you need help and need to talk to a therapist. There are times when we simply feel that something is off with our bodies, and we need to seek help.

This link https://lonerwolf.com/gut-instincts/ has a list of 7 gut feelings that should not be ignored.

National Find A Rainbow Day

April 3rd is National Find A Rainbow Day. https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/find-a-rainbow-day/

Why do we have a day for Rainbows?

The objective of this day was to bring out the awareness of the colors and above all the world is full of beauty and colors. This is the idea behind a day devoted to rainbows, because you can‘t help smiling when you see the bright, cheery bands of color.

What are Rainbows?

 Rainbows Are Optical Illusions. Similar to a mirage, a rainbow is formed when light rays bend, creating an effect that is visible, but not able to be touched or approached. For rainbows, light is reflected and refracted through water droplets, separating white light into the seven colors of the spectrum.

What do Rainbows mean?

Many cultures believe that rainbows are a symbol of hope, promise, encouragement, good fortune, and new beginnings. For some reason we see rainbows as a “sign” that they have been looking for. Sometimes they see it as a sign for a change (new beginning). Some people believe that a rainbow is a loved one saying hello or smiling down on them.

https://paranormal.lovetoknow.com/about-paranormal/spiritual-meaning-rainbow

To me, rainbows are the promise after the storm. After a storm in my life, or a long, hard struggle, I often see a rainbow. It fills me with hope that better days are coming my way. They fill me with encouragement, that I am a survivor. Rainbows remind me of God’s promises and love.

When I see a rainbow I feel loved. I get a sense of warmth and I always smile. I don’t feel lonely when I see a rainbow and I often find myself saying hello to someone that is no longer here with me.

What do you believe rainbows mean? How do they make you feel inside? Do they make you smile? Let’s go out and find a Rainbow Today!

Spring – Rebirth – Growth – Changing Me!

I love Spring!  My allergies hate it.  But there is something magical about seeing mother earth wake up and the plants, trees, and flowers being reborn.  There is something enchanting about watching the honey bees dance and birds playing and singing in the trees. 

Spring, to me, is all about rebirth and growth.  I do not make New Year’s Resolutions, I tend to make my changes (to me) in the Spring. This is when my heart is full.  Changes do not have to be big, I don’t plan on losing 20 pounds before bathing suit season.  No, my changes are small and heartfelt.  My changes are changes for me, about me, and better me.

A few of my changes.

Here are some changes that I am trying and doing that I would love to share with you.

1 – I have fallen in love with yoga!  I can have an hour of quiet time, learning my body, stretching my body, and focusing on me.  I get to re-center myself. https://www.facebook.com/yogaroad.withblair/

2 – With warm weather, I am walking the trails, roads, and parks again!  Fresh air fills my lungs, birds sing to me.  I can think and sort out problems.  This is when I can make a plan. I also get to meet people and pet amazing dogs. https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/georgia/lake-zwerner-aka-yahoola-creek-reservoir–2

3 – Teas!  I know this one may sound a little crazy, but I have discovered hot teas and cold teas.  (I’m used to Lipton sweet tea)  I am loving our little tea shop by our office.  I have tried four different teas now (without sugar or sweetener) and they are better than my sweet tea.  https://www.myvintagegypsyteas.com/

4 – New skincare treatment.  Yup, today I went and updated my skincare routine and got new products.  Sadly, in 2020 I did not take care of me or my skin.  Right now I have a healthy glow and I feel beautiful.  

5 – I cleaned out my closet!  I got rid of clothes that I do not like, that do not fit, and that I have not worn in a year or more.  Why do I keep that shirt thinking I’ll wear it one day when I haven’t worn it in a year? That thing has got to go!

6 –   I am taking the advice of prior posts! Yup, I am taking my own advice.  I am protecting my energy.  There are calls that I am not answering.  I am telling people what I want and need. ( they can’t read my mind).  I am following my dreams even when others want to rain on them and discourage me. I am taking time to be alone.

7 – I am learning and practicing positive self talk. (More on this later).  I am paying attention to my thoughts and when I realize that I am using negative self talk, I acknowledge it, and change it.  https://cynthiakane.com/how-to-communicate-like-a-buddhist/

8 – Letting go of guilt.  Wow, this is a hard one to do.  But, I feel guilty about things that I literally have no control over and had/have nothing to do with.  I am changing and I won’t allow myself to feel guilty with my positive changes if that means leaving someone who is toxic behind.  (Before I would feel guilty for not being friends with someone even when I knew that they were toxic for me).

7 Common Expressions of Self-Talk

Overreaction

1 – Overreaction – is negative self- talk such as “Everything is wrong” or “everything is awful” According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with overreaction are “Everything is….. Every time I….. This is the wrong thing……”

I thought about when I use overreaction negative self-talk. Mine usually is directed towards my eating habits and exercising habits. One great example was just the other day, for the past few weeks I had been really focusing on what I was putting into my body. I was eating better and was cutting out the sweet tea. Then BAM I ate the large peanut butter cookie with fudge drizzle from the sandwich and bakery shop. After I ate the cookie the voice in my head said “well stupid, you just ruined everything that you worked for the last few weeks.

In reality, that one cookie didn’t undo EVERYTHING I had been working on. It was a setback. Or, maybe I deserved that one cookie! The next meal I was on track again.

Personalization

2 – Personalization – is the negative self-talk taking responsibility for everything or the situation at hand. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “It’s my fault that… I’m responsible for…”

I feel like as a wife, mother, and employee, I use this negative self-talk a lot. I use it on large and small scales, anything from being late to family arguments. One that came to my mind was my oldest son missing an appointment. I told myself that it was all my fault that he missed it because I didn’t call and remind him an hour or so before. I felt bad all day and I owned that responsibility.

When I step back and look at the situation I know that it was not my fault. First off my son is an adult. Secondly, it was on the family calendar. Third, I reminded him of it the week before, the day before, and sent him a text that morning.

Absolute Language

3 – Absolute language– is the negative self-talk when we allow ourselves to take a description and make it apart of who we are. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “I am… I am not…”

I think we have all said to ourselves, “I’m not good enough” or I am fat.” Others that I say are “I am ugly” “I am dumb” “I’m not enough.” We need to look at it and express it to ourselves in different ways. I am not dumb, but sometimes I simply do not have the answer. I can however, look it up and find it.

Assumption

4 – Assumption – is the negative self- talk when we assume that we know what someone else is thinking and it is a negative thoughts in regards to us. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “They think… They feel… They did this/that because.

Holy cow!! Man I am GREAT at assuming. My husband and I have really had to work on assumptions in our marriage. (and we have had to learn how to talk to each other.) Just yesterday my husband woke up grumpy (he works nights). He was quiet, reserved, gave short answers. So my assumptions went wild. He is mad at me. I have done something wrong. He doesn’t want to be here. I forgot something. What did I say?

When I finally asked him what was wrong, he told me that he had gotten to bed late and was tired. His back was also hurting him and had been hurting him all day.

Expectation

5 – Expectation – is the negative self-talk when we don’t look at what we have achieved only at the higher expectation that we set. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “This isn’t how I wanted it… I am supposed to be… This isn’t how its supposed to be…”

I use my oldest son as an example on this one. He is 22, works a full time job, pays his bills, has a lovely girlfriend, great friends, and he still lives at home. He doesn’t look at all he has accomplished already, but he says I’m supposed to be out on my own by now. I shouldn’t be living at home. We have to stop him and make him look at what he has and what he has done. He has many years to live out of his own, but he can take advantage of being at home and saving money so he can move out down the road.

Comparison

6 – Comparison – is the negative self-talk that we don’t measure up. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “I wish I could be… Their life looks better than mine…They have way more that I do…They always look so put together.”

I experienced this one yesterday. I went to see a friend who sells skincare products. She is beautiful, young, energetic, and always put together. She looks like she wakes up and can be on the cover of a magazine. Oh and she is amazingly sweet!! It is very easy for me to compare myself (in a negative way) to her. I am not as young, energetic, or beautiful. And most days I am far from put together. So I can feel inadequate to her.

As we were talking and laughing she admitted that she was a little jealous of me because I have great skin. She went on to say that she wished she had skin like mine. Image my surprise when the one I compared myself to was comparing herself to me.

Regret

7 – Regret – is the negative self-talk is simply beating ourselves up over things we did or didn’t do in our past. According to Cynthia Kane the catchphrases with personalization are “I never should have done… That will haunt me for the rest of my life… If that had never happened, I would be…”

One of my biggest regrets is not finishing college when I was just out of high school. I have said, “If you stayed in school, you would not be broke now.” (which by the way has regret and expectations.) Paying for my Master’s as an adult is difficult, but when I think about who I was and who I am now, I realize that I am on the right path now. Back then I don’t think that I would have made the right choice in my education and career.

Where to find it

If you want more information on how to silence your negative self-talk and exercises to practice, click on the link below. The book that I am currently reading and learning from is Talk to Yourself Like A Buddhist.

https://cynthiakane.com/how-to-communicate-like-a-buddhist/

Spring!!

Since the Daffodils are in full bloom, I thought this was a good Poem to start the day. I hope everyone wears their crown today.

THE DAFFODILS

WILLIAM WORDSWORTH, 1770 – 1850

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A Poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils. https://openoregon.pressbooks.pub/poetry/chapter/1-poems-about-spring-renewal-rebirth/