Fixing is not our job. Wow! This hit home with me. As I read this, I thought back to different relationships, both friendships and romantic relationships, and realized how many times I had tried to fix someone or ended up parenting them. I often felt that I needed to fix them because they were broke in some form or fashion. This ranged from people who were abused as children up to grown men who still clung to their mothers. We need to remind ourselves that fixing is not our job.
Why do we do this? What causes us to feel like we need to fix or are responsible for others? Do we do this so that we don’t have to look at ourselves and see our broken pieces? Do we not know how to fix us if we are broken? Is it the mother instinct that we are born with?
What would happen if we took all of the energy we spend on fixing others, and used it to make a better version of ourselves?
Yesterday was Father’s Day, and like so many people I went to visit my dad. I hadn’t visited him in a long time, but the place was just as it was last time I was there. I sat down across from him and a thousand memories flooded my mind. Memories from my childhood until my adulthood.
I let him about my upcoming surgery and confused that I was nervous. I talked about Logan’s, his oldest grandson, little girl and her turning 1. I mentioned to him that I had just gotten Tyler’s, his second grandson, invitation to his wedding. I laughed and told daddy that I couldn’t believe that tiny baby that I helped name was getting married in August. I let him about Kameron, my son, and how he seems to love his new job working on small engines. All he talks about is chainsaws now. I told him that Kasen, who is the youngest grandson, and how he will be starting middle school this fall. My baby is growing up.
All of my words were met with silence from my dad. He never committed, smiled, or laughed. Headstones never do.
I go to my dad’s grave to visit him and I sit at the foot of his grave. I look at his headstone as I would look into his eyes if he were there. The conversation is always one sided. There aren’t any cookouts to celebrate his day, no crazy cards given to him, or dad jokes. Just my voice drifting away on the wind and an ache in my heart.
I miss my dad. Our relationship was tense, we weren’t that close, and Lord knows he had his faults, but I still miss him. If your dad is still alive, go see him, tell him that you love him, talk to him. One day he will be gone and like me, you will only be able to talk to a headstone.
I saw this meme, Some Thoughts from a Therapist, on Facebook or Instagram and thought that it needed to be shared. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that we are in charge of our emotions, behavior, and our actions.
Are you an avid reader like me? If so, the question of what to read next is a nagging question. I decided to make an attempt of putting together a list of what to read. Wish me luck!
If you want to understand how trauma and its resulting stress harms us through physiological changes to body and brain, then I suggest The Body Keeps the Score. It is written by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
I’m just tired was the answer that my friend gave me the other day when I was talking to her. She had a different tone in her voice, so I asked her what was wrong. “I’m just tired” she said. For some reason, her answer wasn’t good enough for me. So I asked her, what did that mean? She looked at me for a moment and gave me a weak smile and said “you know what that means”. I her that I didn’t know what she meant by it. Was she tired because she didn’t sleep well? Was she tired because she was getting sick? Was it a mental or physical tired?
What Does I’m Tired Really Mean
Yes, there are times when I’m tired, means, dang I need a nap! I didn’t get any sleep last night. But many times the answer is much deeper than that. My friend, was tired from emotional turmoil that her siblings are putting her through. She is in a battle everyday with them. They are relentless. She feels like she is in a losing battle and she wants to throw in the towel. She is done! But she doesn’t throw in the towel, because she is fighting for all of the right reasons. She’s simply tired of the drama, battle, and the emotional fatigue.
Sometimes I’m tired, means that a person is overwhelmed. Other times it can mean that the person is in sensory overload and needs time to be alone. Often times when I say that I’m tired, I really mean that I am mentally worn out because my thoughts take me down a rabbit hole or I spiral. I can’t turn off my brain or my negative self talk. I think about a problem and then another problem pops in my head and then another and then another. This is what I call my spiral.
So the next time someone tells you that they are tired, find out why. Lead a listening ear and maybe you can help them.
I came across “in case no one told you today” on my FaceBook. It spoke to me. I think that as women we spend so much time building up our children, friends, and family that we forget to build ourselves up. I think that our family and friends forget that we need to be built up too. We need to hear that we matter, we are loved, and that we are valuable. The two that really spoke to me are ” You are stronger than you think” and “you are important no matter what lies you were told.”
When it comes to lie that we are told, they come from so many different places, and we are so use to them that we don’t even realize we are being lied to. The voices in our heads, those negative thoughts, are most often lies. The media lies to us. Movies and TV lies to us, we are not suppose to be model thin or be a size 2. We are women. Our bodies have carried and birthed children. We have worked hard and played hard. We’ve had surgeries and stitches. We have scars. We’ve had inward battles, and we have won.
At the end of the day, I am a strong women that has value. I was meant for this time and I was not a mistake. I am loved beyond measure and I am beautiful just the way I am.
This picture is so powerful to me! It leaves me in awe. Each person who sees this picture can take away something different. You can read it, and believe that the power of water at the top of the picture is talking about drinking water and it’s power and purpose for your body.
When I see it, I focus on the man. his fist are clenched and he is looking at the wheelchair as if he has beaten it. It looks as if he is daring the chair to challenge him at that moment. He has the look of a fighter. He knows that in this moment he is victorious.
Nina, our office pup has been busy with her obedience training. Tiffany Hilton, the owner of, Golden Leash Pet Services, https://www.goldenleashpetservices.com/ has been coming to our office and working with us and Nina for the last few weeks. Tiffany is amazing with her (and us). When Nina seems to be getting tired or is losing interest Tiffany allows Nina to take a “brain break” and then we start again. Nina is a quick learner and wants to please us all.
If you are looking for someone to help train your pup (and you), I recommend Tiffany. She gives you the tools that you and your pup need to be successful.
It’s ok if you can’t always be strong. Sometimes we need to break down for a little while. The important thing to remember is to get back up. Tears help to take away some of the pain, anger, and disappointment that we feel. Our tears can also give us strength and clarity.